a conversat[i]on

Hey.


Hi there!


*looks around* So THIS is what Heaven looks like? Not terribly impressive, I must say.


*apologetic* Well, a few of our pending upgrades were delayed 'cause we had to deal with all those problems down there. Want a tour?


I'll pass. Uh.. How's life? *uninterested look*


Great! How about yours?


Like SAI. Grr


Why do you say that? Shouldn't you be enjoying the life that I GAVE you?? *shock*


That's easy for you to say! You're the one that gets to cruise around the clouds and watch angelic musicals! The life you GAVE me? I should have known not to accept free gifts! BAH!


Whoa whoa.. EASY now... What can I do for you? Remember, nothing's too tough for me! *proud*


Oh yea? How 'bout fixing my life, eh? You must have messed up royally when creating me. What, did it with only one hand while the other was busy with the TV remote? Well?


That!? Oh.. Hmm.. Well I suppose I could TRY to do something about your life..


Did I hear that correctly? The Almighty, the Omnipotent, the Alpha and the Omega, TRY? So you're not that great as you seem to be, no? Damn all those false advertisments!


Haha, yea you're right. There. Done.


WHAT?


DONE!


DONE WHAT!? And wipe that cocky smile of your face! *fumes*


You wanted me to fix your life, I've done that. Now you can stop blaming those adverts. I AM really all-powerful, you know. *glows with a conceited look*


*sheepishly* Oh, you did? Really? But I don't feel any different at all! *whines*


Well that's because you haven't accepted my help yet. *still glowing*


What's that suppose to mean? Oh well, I guess it'll take some time to "get into my system" eh? Oh let's talk about some other stuff.


Sure thing! What say we stroll over to Starbucks and talk over coffee? My treat!


You have Starbucks HERE? *surprise*


Well of course! Come on, let's go!


(Minutes later...)


What do you think? Pretty cool place, eh? *smug*


Err.. I don't know, looks pretty much like how it is down there..


Mm? You sure? Ahh.. The waiters and waitresses here have WINGS. Ha! Bet you don't have that "down there" *beams*


It looks as if those wings of theirs are getting in the way though. Oh look, one of them just spilled latte on the other guys's wing! Haha


Well... *slightly embarassed* Let's grab a seat.


Heh *sniggers*


*rolls eyes*


Hey, that old guy over there, looks vaguely familiar... *points*


Oh, there? New guy, him. Was a pretty busy and important man down there, did a lot of good things for me. I see that he finally gets to relax and sip on cappucino. Wanna join him? *beckons*


Uh, I'll rather not. Let's take that plush-looking sofa seat over there.


As you wish. But shouldn't we like place our orders first, hmm?


Oh yea, you're right. I'll have an Espresso frappucino with extra whip cream, please.


No prob!


(The two paid for their drinks and sat down...)


So.. What was it you wanted to talk about?


Oh, er.. It's quite embarrassing, you know.. I.. I don't really know where to start..


What's there to be embarassed about? I already KNOW everything, remember?


Yea? So there's really no need for me to say anything is there? *grumbles*


There is! For one, it'll be more fun for you to say it instead of me relying on my pre-knowledge. And for another, it is quite therapeutic to talk about your problems with somebody rather than keeping it all to yourself.


Yea yea whatever...


So now, what's up?


Well.. actually it's about..


Yes?


Well, it's about my relationships.


What about them?


It's like, I don't really have any friends. There's always nobody to talk to, you know, about my problems and stuff, or just to talk about...stuff.


But that's not true! Look at all the people around you, are they not your friends?


Yeah well I guess they are. But it's like, they are not really real friends, more like, associates and acquaintances, those "hi" and "bye" kinda.. NOT people I would share private stuff with for sure..


But surely there are some that you are closer to?


Maybe. Like the girl who plays minesweeper with me..


Ah yes, her. I know her, although she doesn't know me yet. She's a pretty good friend, no?


I guess so. I would consider her one of my closer friends, maybe. And then there's this other girl, she knows you too, and..


I know who. She's a good friend to you.


Yea I know but ever since that incident it has always been wierd around her, like i don't really know her anymore. Kinda, anyway.


Ah yes, I remember that. Heh *snigger*


It's not funny okay! *gives >_<>


Ahem. *still sniggering*


Grr. Yea. Anyway that's about it. SEE? Pathetic. You know I've always wondered why other people have those super close same-sex friends and I don't. Or can't.


Why is that, you think?


I don't know! Just can't converse with guys, I suppose.


Well?


I think... The problem is me lor. It's like I always don't know what to say to people. I'm generally not a very interesting person la, people are probably bored to death talking to me, then I'll run out of things to say, then there will be those awkward silences, then..


Now now.. There's no need to be so hard on yourself! Have more confidence in yourself!


Easy for you to say! I am just a conversational failure. Which is why I haven't been spreading word of you.


You haven't?


Yea, like, I don't really know how to approach it! What, am I suppose to just walk up to people and say 'hey, wanna know about this awesome God of mine'?


That could work..


Oh please.


Well, would YOU have approached people to ask about ME when you were still an unsaved sinner?


Eh? Hmm. I guess not.


Speaking of which, how DID you come to know me? What's your story?


What? Oh. It was really by accident, I guess.


ACCIDENT? Haha, son, nothing happens by accident.


Yeah, well, I was at this really down period of my life and stuff, so I was searching for some spirituality, you know, reading up and stuff. Then this girl invited me to her church, like just out of the blue, and... Well, I was sort of interested in her so I went ahead just for a look-see. Then at the end of the service the pastor called for unbelievers to raise their hands and he was going to pray for them, and I thought it was jut a harmless prayer so why not. And before I know it I've said the sinner's prayer and BAM! Brand new Christian. I was so confused at that time lah. But then at night I thought things through and prayed the sinner's prayer again, this time with all my heart, that's when you heard me, and the rest is history.


Haha. Oh yes, now I remember. Not bad eh? Used the girl to lure you, haha. Quite ingenious on my part, don't you think?


Yea yea, you and your 'good plans'. Look, it's getting late already. I should be going back down. Maybe we'll continue this next time, eh?


No problem! Want me to give you a lift down?


No thanks, I think I'll take the scenic route. Thanks anyway.


You're welcome, son.


Bye!

{/4:12 PM}

me

colourl[e]ss

Having a new blog skin is testimony to how pathetically bored I am at work.


I think having a blog skin titled 'colourless' is quite fitting, considering the status of my life now. I think that word describes my current life perfectly.


I know, it's a bit contradictory to have a blog titled 'colourless' while the posts themselves are all of different colors. Oh well. Life is never that straightforward anyway.


And lookie! I actually took the time to link some people. The order of the links is completely random, just linked as people came to mind. If I left anyone out please tell me! If anyone want's to be linked please tell me also!!


My family is wierd. Just the other day we were playing mahjong [which I lost, of course. I never had any gambling luck. At least it's money lost to family and not government a.k.a those soon-to-be casinoes, which are so affectionately termed as "Integrated Resorts"]. It was dad's turn to throw a tile, and he asked mom "ni3 ting1 pai2 le4 mei2 you3?", to which she replied negative. And the moment dad throws out his tile, my mom shouted for joy and revealed her tiles. She WON. She said she have not ting1 pai2 yet and she WON. LIMIT some more. So we were all like "OMG cheater!!!" and so we refused to pay her. Haha. She was grumbling and whining throughout the rest of the game. My mom is just like that one lor. Always very sneaky when playing mahjong. Haha.


Yesterday just as I was getting ready to sleep my sister barged into my room and thrusted a math question at me. Something to do with the Arrhenius equation. And I spent like 10 minutes on it and could not get the answer. In the end it was my YOUNGER sister who did it, albiet whether it is the correct answer or not still remains to be seen. Bottom line is: I've lost touch. Completely forgotten all my maths stuff. Yucks.


Wah the year one tenors and basses 'brothers' are really good man. "I can see clearly now" is so nice! Amazed. Benghee should do more arrangements, I'm sure he is capable. Arrange some stuff for carolling use! That would rock. Lol. Me, I don't have the necessarily skill, so I guess I'll just have to stick to transcribing stuff for now. MEH.


On a side note, I really do hope the alumni carolling this year will be a SUCCESS. YEP. Pray with me ya'll. =D

{/2:53 PM}

me

pat[i]ence

Hmm..


Parden the occasional fragmented sentences. I'm sleepy =_=


Last friday went to choir as usual and got a shock. The girls were trying on their costumes. They looked... Erm... *ahem*. OK la, some of the look nice, but others... MEH. At least the white shawl thingy looked ok. The guys, of course, looked great, even when sweating through their white shirt. Stupid school, no air-con as usual. And whoa, was Miss Lim in a bad mood. Yelled at sops-altos combined, then yelled at tenors-basses combined. LOL. After the practice, or rather scolding session, we were going to go KAP for dinner, but somehow we decided to go to the Mac at Serene Centre instead. And LO AND BEHOLD, who should be there but Miss Lim and Mr Yong. LOL. Ended up eating at Black Canyon, which was quite good, and even cheaper than Mac too.


Saturday went to TJC for "workshop" with them and HC. Wasn't too bad. TJC overshot the 8 minute limit. We almost reached it too. TJ didn't sang too badly considering their small numbers. Anyway we went to town for lunch. Stopped at PS and decided to eat at BK, upon which I rolled my eyes and started trying to convince my stomach that I wasn't hungry. After eating we went to Starbucks! Haha yea. Only me and benghee and qj got drinks though. We had a nice mix of people there, all EIGHT parts present, so we started singing and recording using hg's iPod. I think we must have scared away quite a number of customers there with our out-of-tune singing. Oh well. Quite fun though. Sang and sang and forgot the time. Was suppose to reach HC for practice at 3. Wanted to cab down but instead took the bus with cheryl z and benghee, which caused me to be 30 minutes late. But it was ok since it wasn't really a proper practice anyway. Just sectionals, learning the songs. Some of their uni people still having exams.


And I must pause to talk about bingzhu. He's the Hwachong Voices SC. And he's damn good. He's the kind of SL that I've always wanted to be but can't. Fast, efficient, gets the job done, yet very charismatic and good-tempered. And his musical sense is just super good. Even Miss Lim looks at him in awe. I'm so looking forward to singing together with him. Same part too, tenor 2 haha.


Anyway sang through all 7 songs in about 2 hours. Went home and felt terrible. Headache + sore throat + coughing and stuff. Didn't stop me from playing DOTA though, which is a bad thing cause I woke up on Sunday feeling really LIKE SAI. Still had to teach tuition though, no choice. And speaking of which, that student of mine is just pissing me off. Grr.


Watched The Interpreter. Alone. Was a pretty good show. 4 out of 5 stars from me.


I think one of the best things God has given me since 19 June 2004 was patience. Patience I never had or knew I could have. Hopefully I will have enough patience for my tutee. He's really getting on my nerves. I really try to teach to the best I can but he's so not responding. Like, late last year when I was still tutoring hg, anyone who walked into my room would think I was still studying for As, wiht my math stuff all over the place. It's not self praise or anything, but when I give tuition I really try to do everything I can, study the stuff and make sure I can teach properly. Oh wells. God, more patience please. Patience to wait for unanswered prayers. Patience to wait for a divine revelation. Patience to continue sitting in front of the computer mugging stats stuff, in case somebody asks me question then I would have the answers ready. Patience for so many things. Please God. Amen.


I really must get back to work now.

{/2:58 PM}

me

unbel[i]vers

The Rich Man and Lazarus

"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores."

"The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.'"

"But Abraham replied, 'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.'"

"He answered, 'Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.'"

"Abraham replied, 'They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.'"

"'No, father Abraham,' he said, 'but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.'"

"He said to him, 'If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.'"

Luke 16:19-31

THE quintessential parable about unbelievers, in my opinion. It pretty much explains itself.

Hell is real. Jesus saves!

{/4:31 PM}

me

b[o]red

I realised it has been about 4 months since I've watched a movie at a theater.

Actually, it's been that long since I've went out anywhere.

Not counting outings with family of course.

Seems like my friends are either:
a) In army [classmates, some choir poeple]
b) Not in town
c) Working [mostly femalec classmates and choir peeps]
d) Still in school [year twos]

Sad thing is, those in army or working mostly seemed to be attached, hence their weekends are not even available. And those unattached are just slogging their asses off working through the weekend. How sad.

Oh well. What's the next best thing to do? Rent a DVD, of course! Now, dim the lights, blast the air-con, chips in right hand, drink in left, put some cushions behind my back, imagine company beside me into existance, and it's almost as nice as a real theater. Even better, in fact, since it's much cheaper. Even if it's a corny movie like "X-Men II".

That was Saturday by the way.

Sunday... The only good thing that happened was I got my PAY. YAY! Tuition is boring, but at least the pay's good.

Today the choir had rehearsal at SCH. I just got off the phone with Miss Lim. I was asked not to say or comment anything the choir, so I shall be guai and not say anything. It's better this way.

Okay. Back to work. >_<

{/4:21 PM}

me

on r[e]quest

Oh yes. Updating as per request.

Newest MSN Minesweeper scoreline:

CK - 1
Feli - 1

I finally won. About damn time already.

Long practice today. Must give credits to HC people. Bin Nam Ma improved a lot! The actions are all so nice, both in itself and when executed. Although their costumes leave quite a bit more to be expected. They also sang Sunset nicely. More confident, more steady and "flowy". Comparatively NJ sounded more hesitant and uncomfortable, more "choppy". But even though the Sops fell asleep in the middle of the Jap song, which I find quite impossible to believe considering the "gung-ho" nature of the song, overall, sound-wise, there's not much competition.

Yes, I am joining Hwa Chong Voices for their concert and performance tour as a guest singer, along with Chin Yaw and possible Edwin. NJ people reading this, please keep this information out of reach of the teachers. I just thought it would be nice to get into some real singing again. And I know a few of the year threes inside, so it's not exactly foreign territory. Anyway they are singing some nice songs too, like Bogoro, Tsubasa, Ba1 Jun1 Zan4, Marcia Corale, Penny Lane, Hey Jude, etc. I get a bit envious seeing that the HC alumni is so nicely established and stuff, while NJ alumni is just like crap. Hopefully that will change come end of year and we will have a healthy influx of year twos joining us for carolling and hopefully for next year's trip as well.

Let me see. What else to write about.

OH YES. Almost forgot.

Miss Felicia asked me to write about her.

Feli: ur blog.... nothing about today's choir prac..
CK: i havent updated today yet wat
Feli: yalah... quick go write
CK: WHY LEH
Feli: must write more about me
Feli: HAHAA

And so I SHALL.

Since she say I will write about her bad points, I shall prove her CORRECT. =D

Felicia is a very evil girl. I think, no, I KNOW she cheats at Minesweeper. There's like, no way she can keep winning against me. I'm like, super good at it and nobody else has ever beaten me in it except her, so she must be cheating. Like, probably using a hack to see all the mines. She also uses her braces as excuse, saying cannot eat solid food can only eat soft liquid food, as a reason not to eat breakfast with me, only to indulge in a posh dinner at Esplanade. And she is very critical of others around her, especially this poor fellow who happens to keep stepping on her toes. She likes to bitch about it non-stop, especially while playing Minesweeper with me [still cheating, mind], causing her to lag in the game. She also likes to play hard-to-get, always cooking up some excuses or other to turn me down when I ask her out.

Wah that's quite long already right? And I'm not even a quarter of the way through! Haha..

By the way, in case it's not already obvious, that was written in a sort of tongue-in-cheek manner, so don't take any of it seriously ok!

But she also have a lot of good points la ya. Like, she can tahan being bugged by me to play Minesweeper everytime I see her online. And she reads my blog [psst leave comment hor!]. And she updates me on her life, something which a lot of people aren't bothering to anymore, sad to say. Yep. You rock girl!

What is this. Half a post on her? You better feel honored =p

I just found out that my PRIMARY school choir mate is Honseng's platoon mate. What a small world after all.

Hmm.

Somewhere along the course of today [yesterday] I was suddenly impressed very strongly with a verse. I think it was, if I can recall correctly, while watching NJ practicing at one of HC's LTs. Couldn't remember which chapter off hand, but I've found it now.

"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21

What a powerful verse. It literally shocked me. I realise how foolish I was, to keep harbouring all the bitterness and negative thoughts, as if she owed it to me or I deserved it. Today I simultaneously witness and submit to the sovereignty of the Lord in this matter. He saw it fit to give to me by His grace, and for that I am thankful. It was all planned, for without her I wouldn't have know Him in the first place. I learnt a lot from her, about myself, what I am capable of doing and feeling, and about others as well. Now the Lord has taken away from me, and who am I to object? Nothing belongs to me in the first place anyway. I will accept His sovereignty; I will have faith in His future grace for me.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for His name's sake
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff,
they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint me head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Lord, do Your work in me. Amen.

{/1:48 AM}

me

on fa[i]th

I don't understand why some people have to insist on seeing physical proof before they believe in something. "I will believe God when He appears in front of me.", or "I will believe Jesus walked on water when I see it with my own eyes." It's ridiculous. There are so many things in this world that we believe in but don't have physical proof of. It's just as stupid to say "I will believe that Shakespear wrote these sonnets when I see him writing them with my own eyes." Yet why do people continue to deny the existance of God? "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge." Psalm 19:1-2. These 2 verses speaks it all. TADA! That's the proof you want. When you see the rising sun, do you think of the gravitation laws that govern the paths of heavenly bodies? When you see the blooming flower, do you recall plant histology? When the earth shakes and waves roll, do you think of the geographical forces in play? I think of God. God and His awesome power. It's that simple. You want proof of God? I say, open your eyes and see for yourself, for He is everywhere. In everything I see I see the fingerprints left behind by His creative hands. THAT is the proof you need.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against science at all. People who think that science and religion cannot co-exist are short-sighted. When I learn mathematical formulas I am amazed at their elegance. When I learn Biology I am convinced that it can only be the all-creative God that is behind the wonders of Life. When you look deeper you realise that science pratically points to the existance of the Creator.

I am amused to realise what a wrong idea of "faith" most people have. Contrary to the common defination, faith is NOT believing or accepting something without proof or facts. Faith is not blind. "There's no proof, but I believe it anyway" is not faith, but naivety. The key point is how much proof one needs in order to believe, and that varies according to different individuals. The EXTENT of proof that is needed is crucial. There can never be 100% proof; that is asking for the impossible. Faith comes in to fill that uncertainty. Putting it into context, proof tells me that Life cannot be spontaneously created, even given a "pool" of the right chemicals and conditions, as "evolutionist" like to believe, hence faith points me towards God. Proof tells me that the Bible is historically and archaeologically as accurate as human standards go, and faith points me towards Jesus. Different people require different amount of proof, and hence, different degrees of faith. And where does the faith comes from? I tell you the truth, it comes from the only place possible - the Grace of God.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11

{/4:52 PM}

me

i feel so..

..confused? Cheated? I don't have the necessary vocabulary to describe my feelings.

What if it had been my fault in the very first place?

Such a small action, but O, such a large effect it has on me.

Another weekend past, spent at home [mostly]. Weeks seem to be flying by quite quickly.

Sunday we went to visit my maternal grandparents' grave. Woke up at 4 am, and considering I slept at 3 [dota-ing, no doubt], I didn't really feel very tired. 20 people trying to find their way in the dark is quite fun. Anyway it was a nice gathering of sorts, weather was pretty nice too.

[By the way, any self-righteous Christians who think that going to sao3 mu4 or "sweep grave" so to speak during qing1 ming2 is unbiblical/idol-worship, please reconsider. And after reconsidering, if you still feel stronly that it's wrong, please do not bug me about it. I have no wish of engaging in an arguement that I know I will win. Yes, I am that good. I can't be bothered to search for the verses now, I think it's somewhere in the Pauline Epistles. Romans 14, I think.]

It becoming more and more evident to me that I can't evangelise for nuts. I simply can't. I have no idea how to approach the topic. No matter how many answers I have, how strong my arguements are, how many verses I have up my sleeves, I'm still so incapable at preaching the Gospel. I have long knew that my strength lies in serious apologetics and not "feel-good" evangelising. But I really want to evangelise! I want to share the Gospel with people! So many people around me, waiting to be saved. Mom and dad. Sisters. Cousins. Aunties and uncles. Friends - Feli, Cher, HS and Aud, CY, Wei. Sigh. Can't help but feel "handicapped". =/

I suddenly feel like ice-skating. I've only skated a grand total of 3 times before, twice with sisters and cousins, and once with classmates after the As. Hmm weekend maybe.

Tata off to play Zelda lol.

{/10:35 AM}

me

another template

Future Grace
Chapter Three
Applying the Purifying Power: Faith in Future Grace VS Anxiety

"When I am afraid, I will trust in You." Psalm 56:3

Lesson learnt: The root cause of anxiety is the lack of faith in God's future grace for us. "If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?" Matthew 6:30. The Word of God and the Holy Spirit helps us build up the necessary faith - we read the promises of God and pray for help from the spirit.

Some verses for anxiety:

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." Psalm 32:8

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all." Psalm 34:19

"...he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

---

Future Grace
Chapter Four
The Life That's Left is Future Grace

"The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Lesson learnt: The past is irrelevant. We cannot change anything of the past. All the expectations of God are future expectations; all promises, future promises; all possibilities of faith and love, future possibilities. Mere memories of bygone blessings are not enough. It is the promise of future grace that carries us through. When we struggle with sin or is beaten down by weariness, we hope to the Lord, trusting in His future grace. "..be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus." 2 Timothy 2:1

---

Sigh.

Life for me is so pointless right now. Yesterday my mom complained that I'm sitting in front of the computer too much. But seriously, what else do you expect me to do other than play DOTA? I would practice piano, but my organ is still not working and there isn't much hope of ever buying a real piano. I only have one tutee right now, and it's not as if I need to prepare any work since it's Sec 4 math and, truth to be told, the boy isn't that smart. I do read books, though, so it's not like I'm always playing game. I probably spend more money on books than on food.

My sis is mad. She got like 67 for Futher Maths. And 80 for Maths. If that's not crazy I don't know what is.

As you can see I've changed to another template. Sure sign of boredom at work. Quite nice, don't you think? Well I do =)

I planned to write more, but I'm too tired now. Maybe at night ba.

{/12:43 PM}

me

untitled

Future Grace
Chapter 2
When Gratitude Malfunctions

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Lesson learnt: Gratitude is important. "..always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Ephesians 5:20. But gratitude for past grace without faith in future grace is treacherous. Express gratitude to God for the grace he has given, not by doing works, or by obeying the Word and keeping the Commandments, but by having faith that His grace will continue to be showered upon us. His grace is infinite, eternal, and free.

---

Psalm 13: A Psalm of David

How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in Your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for He has been good to me.

{/1:02 PM}

me

another monday..

Future Grace
Chapter One
The Debtor's Ethic: Should We Try to Pay God Back?

"And how long will they not believe in Me, despite all the signs which I have performed in their midst?" Numbers 14:11

Lesson learnt: The motivating power behind Christian obedience should not be past-oriented gratitude, but future-oriented faith. The Old Testament is spread with evidence that the reason for sin is not the lack of gratitude but the lack of faith. Just form the verse above, "believe in Me [God]" implies trust in God, and trust implies faith. Not just faith, but future faith, faith that God will continue to be the provider and savior. It is this faith that should propel us to pursue Christian living.

"How can I repay the Lord
for all His goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord."

---

Wow. I think I am gonna love the book ^__^

Didn't sleep much last night. Couldn't sleep at all, don't know why. So I played a game of DOTA and read a few more chapters of my Star Trek, and by the time I've done that it was already like 3:30am. And by the time I really fell asleep it was probably nearer to 4:30am. Yea, I usually take quite a long time to fall asleep, somewhere between 45 minutes to 90 minutes. It's quite annoying, but I find that I don't really need much sleep anyway. Still feeling quite awake now at work.

Still trying to decide if I should turn up for choir this week.

Maybe I should flip a coin. Lol

{/12:32 PM}

me

nothing much...

I have nothing much to say..

Friday went to choir as usual. Practice was pretty good. Year one looks quite promising. Hopefully they will do well next year when they go overseas. More importantly, hopefully there will be some form of alumni choir set up properly and there would actually be people that want to go together with the main choir. Hopefully people from my batch, or my junior batch. I'm pretty sure I will go, if it's even possible. Just that, it would be that much more fun if there are actually my batch people going so I won't feel so extra or old. Or maybe junior batch people, since I'm quite close to a few..

Didn't see Feli at choir. That girl is sick again, after having PE no doubt. Take care!!

Right now the alumni choir is.... not doing anything. Think Yuting and JJ is busy with uni stuff. I really hope the admin side can do well in terms of getting lobang for carolling this year. But then again by the end of the year my upper study will be gone and I'll be alone so quite impossible to take leave.. Guess I'll see how when it comes.

Sher and Jiaen came back. We went out for dinner after the practice. And we left without paying. We even proceeded to have ice-cream dessert. Lol. In the end Jiaen was the one who remembered, so we had to walk all the way back to pay.

Saturday was a boring day. Only have one highlight. MINESWEEPER! ^___^ Even though I lost 0-4. Bah. It must be a psychological thing or something. Hehe. Anyway it was fun =D

Sunday tuition again. Somehow I always dread it. It's quite puzzling, I thought I would enjoy giving tuition. Maybe I just like tuition-ing people I know. Maybe what I like is not the tuition-ing but just spending time with friends. Well. In any case, I'm still pretty free on weekday nights and weekends, so please come and look for me for free-of-charge tuition. Hey, I'm a 3 A 1 B student after all. =]

Shopped around J8 after tuition. Bought another John Piper book - "Future Grace". It's like a one month daily chapter by chapter devotional kinda thing. I like his other book - "Desiring God" - a lot, so I think this will be a really good read. Bought a pair of pants at OP. Went back to TP interchange, bought a Trek book, and read it while enjoying esspresso frap and chocolate cake. Yummmyy.. haha.

Then I came home.

Hey, I tried... It's just that.. I don't know how to explain. Just, not clicking? I very much want to say "don't know, don't care", but I know in my guts it's not true.

Anyway, had family bonding session a.k.a mahjong. Won like $15! Haha. One of the rare times I actually win anything. Usually I just sit there and give out money only.

Oh wells.

Back to work tomorrow.

{/11:18 PM}

me

one last cry..

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands
Standing so close to someone else
Now I sit all alone
Wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to one last cry

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone
Wishing all my feelings were gone
Gotta get over you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to one last cry

I know I gotta be strong
But around me
Life goes on and on and on and on
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I have my one last cry

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I'm down to one last cry

{/12:14 AM}

me