wondering

Woot! Nice pic =D

One thing I hate reading about on Christians' blogs is how they keep saying they want to "serve God". I mean, which part of "God" do they not understand? Face it. You CAN'T serve God. There's nothing you could possibly do for him. An infinately powerful Deity does not need human servants. It is the servant that receives the honor and glory, not the served.

Watched "An Evening of Sacred Music" by SYC yesterday. Let's just say that if I were given a second chance, and knowing what the concert was like, I would not watch it again. The best songs had to be the Spirituals. "Battle of Jericho" haha!

And another boring week has passed.

{/4:12 PM}

me

nowhere to hide

Have I ever mentioned about this teaching that JieHui taught me, a very long time ago?

He told me, that trying to hide things from God, or even, hiding from God yourself, is just like playing hide and seek in a house made entirely out of transparent glass. Glass doors, glass floors, glass ceiling, glass walls, glass everything.

I dreamed that last night. Playing hide and seek in a glass house. Hiding. Running. Hiding again. Nowhere to hide.

In 6 days' time I will have been a Christian for 1 year already. And what have I got to show for it?

I have been running. Running and hiding.

Oh, how I like to point out the specks in other people's eyes, while ignoring the plank in my own.

I have not been praying enough. I have not been diligent in my quiet time. I even have not been going for service regularly. After almost 1 year, what do I have for show in terms of my spiritual growth? Nothing.

I miss JieHui. I really do. I wish he can be my shepherd again.

Oh, how foolish I have been.

Game over, chyekeong.

{/1:32 PM}

me

signs

BibleGateway posted on 12 June 2005:



Ah. What a wonderful picture. AND with this as "Verse of the Day" too:

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge." Psalm 19:1-2

As the unbelievers beg for divine signs, christians rejoice and marvel at the wonderful work of God!

{/8:01 AM}

me

b[a]ck

It feels good to be back!

I didn't really enjoy the trip. I didn't expect to enjoy it anyway. But it was more bearable than I thought it would be.

I'm sure I must have appeared to be an anti-social b****** to those people. Always not talking, not joining them for late night supper or overtime shopping or senseless overnight parties.

What they don't know is that those alone moments are precisely what I enjoyed most about the trip. The oreo milkshake and chocolate cheese cake at Secret Recipe, the hot chocolate and tiramisu cake at Coffee Club. ALl accompanied by a good Star Trek book, of course. I spent most my money on such food, and books bought from the Kino there. Quite a bit cheaper too =] In a way it was nice that they went out for supper and party at each other's room. Gives me privacy and much needed quietness for QT! Hah!

Chinyaw probably enjoyed himself much more than me. After all he jumped ship and migrated over to tag himself onto Calvin the moment we reached KL. Without even really asking my opinion, I might add. Leaving me with a stranger of a roommate. I understand, of course, that the two of them had been classmates before. What I suspect is that the real motive is to be able to fit into the "group" better with Calvin beside him. Well, if that's the case, then more power to him! I, on the other hand, have no wish nor desire to "fit in". To each his own, then.

My roommate is a facinating person. He smokes, as he so proudly announced to me on the first night at the KL hotel. I hope he was joking. He likes to parade more than half-naked around the room, as if admiring his own physique. Which is probably true, given that he exudes the "I-am-superior-to-you-all-girls-dig-me" kinda attitude. AND he had the cheek to whine about how other people in the college choir had questionable looks/attitudes. Not to mention the fact that he likes to spend half an hour in front of the mirror [half-naked, no doubt] doing his face and hair. Hah! He is exactly the reason why that DSTA chairman described Singaporean, NS-trained men as whiny and incompetent.

They showed a lot of movies on the bus trips. The only one I watched was Constantine, though. It was quite nice. Just one minor problem - suicide IS a forgivable sin. So that pretty much makes the entire show, which hinged on suiciders being sent to hell, irrelevant as far as Christian doctrines are concerned.

The HCV people are generally nice people la, so don't get me wrong. I find I could talk better to the older people, though, probably because they are much more mature and don't limit their conversations to the mundane and childish. AND there was eye candy. Just one, but yea. Reminds me of my classmate. Lol.

Ah well, back to the routine life that is NS.

{/2:47 PM}

me

go[o]dbye

Leaving for Malaysia in the afternoon.

I guess I thought wrong.

When I first agreed to join HCV for their concert and performance tour in Malaysia upon invitation by Miss Lim, I thought the singing itself will be enough to sustain me. But I realise now that the singing is not enough. Not nearly good enough.

There was not much feeling in me for the concert. I wasn't nervous at all. I didn't have any jitters before going on stage. It was so totally unlike how I felt for Cantabile last year. I didn't feel like taking any photos with any of them. What for? I'm merely a guest singer, someone you probably won't ever see or hear from again after this whole episode is over.

I'm not eagerly anticipating this trip at all. In fact I'm sort of dreading it.

It's obvious what is missing from all these.

Make new friends, you say? For Chinyaw, maybe. He doesn't seem to have too much of a trouble with that. But it's just not me. How many times have I mentioned, that making friends is not easy for me. It's my fault, not others. Mine. I have different definations of friends from others.

What's my defination of a friend, you ask?

THIS is friendship.


One of many letters from dear Wenlin, back from quite a long time ago. Hope you don't mind me putting this up! Actual content of the letter has been blurred to retain privacy =]

I'll be back tuesday evening. Back to work wednesday afternoon.

Until then...

...

Goodbye.

{/9:05 AM}

me