How much do you cost?

3 boxes (3 x 30) of insulin infusion set -- ~$750
1 set lasts for 3 days, thus -- ~$8.30/day

1 box (1 x 5 vials) of Novorapid insulin -- ~$85
1 vial lasts for 5 days, thus -- ~$3.40/day

3 month regular checkup with specialist -- $79
Thus, -- ~$0.85/day

So. I cost maybe $12 a day. Not counting food and other stuff.

Damn I'm high maintainence.

---

How much can you remember of your orientation days? I mean in JC, of course, since I haven't enter university yet.

I remember towards the end of orientation our ogls made us sit in a circle, told us to write our name on a piece of paper, and pass it around. Then we would write comments about all our og mates. I was reading that piece of paper last night, what the rest of them wrote for me. Funny, read a lot of "outspoken, outgoing, friendly", which I'm sure is not what most people would describe me as now. Haha. Changes. It was nice though. I can still recognise several people's handwriting, as I kept most of my og mates for the first 3 months, and then half after that. Some of their handwriting never changes, so is easily recognizable, like wei, enid, evan, hui, tzesiang, liz, jin, etc. I'm glad I kept that piece of paper.

I only ever remembered two movie outings with my classmates. One was the mass class outing towards the end of first three months, watching Chicago. The other was Passion of the Christ with wei, evan, mich and jin.

To the original S20: wei, ting, evan, hui, jin, enid, alex, tzesiang, liz, weilun, mj, feyaze, izzy, hidaya, wanyu, weimin, serene, and everybody else I can't remember off hand: it was fun times with you guys. =)

---

The new Goblet of Fire trailer is out! Dragons look cool, I still don't like that dd actor, cho looks average (aka disappointing), fluer looks fantastic, hermy's great as usual, ron just funny with long hair. Can't wait. Oh, harry hollow-back-ing out of the water in the trailer was cool. Flash back to gym days. Damn I miss my trampoline.

---

For this week, I pray that I will not have bitter feelings. Amen.

{/10:17 AM}

me

bad and other things

Bad things first.

They are really pathetic.

First they shrug off the problem as if it's of no importance.

Then once they realise that I'm really serious, they start their futile attempts to "convince" me.

I'm sorry, I'm not some ignorant, stupid and naive idiot who will just listen as you spew crap and believe. I know my stuff. And from talking to you, it's very apparent that you don't know your stuff.

So I offer to let them have some time to study the subject before coming back to me. And how do they respond? With more fluff.

Oh come on, who are you trying to kid? I'm not some 12 year old. You can't just write me off with some generic responses passed down from people higher up in the system. I'm not that dumb. Oh, and drop that condecending attitude while you are at it, will you?

They can't just take this like the debate that it is. They have to come in with the "you are having wrong conceptions here let big daddy help you with your problems" shit.

With this kind of crap coming from supposed leaders, God help them all.

It is true, I think. Charismatic churches and new age movements really do give christianity a bad name. Full of "feel-good" preaching and nothing else. Bah.

I'm done.

Now for the good things.

Well, maybe not good. Just, other things.

I need to exercise more, build up my stamina again. I was half dead after only an hour of badminton today. Sigh. Should go running again.

I had a mini self-realization. Haha.

My approach to relationships is very weird, to say the least. At least I think it is.

I think a perfect relationship, be it between family or friends or lovers or anybody, is one where the parties involve all get what they expect out of it.

My way of doing things, is first I "test waters", see if he/she respond to me, see if they send any signals to say that they are interested. If I feel really comfortable and I think that they are responding well to me, then I jump right in and devote myself. If not, I'll just withdraw and hide. I think that explains why I have some good friends, and some people whom I know that I just don't care about or bother to communicate with or keep things alive with. Once in a while I go back and see if their responses changes, but most of the time they don't. So I couldn't be bothered either.

This time around, I am determined not to make the same mistake as before.

What mistake?

The same mistake that I made before, first with E, then with AM, and then again with AC. All three. Same mistake, although different circumstances and different feelings. The mistake of expecting too much. Oh, what a mistake.

It's funny, how each of them gave me a different feeling, which is also different from what F is giving me now.

I won't make the same mistake again for the fourth time.

I cannot afford to.

I hope things will turn out fine.

{/11:38 PM}

me

When David heard...

"When David heard that Absalom was slain he went up into his chamber over the gate and wept, my son, my son, O Absalom my son, would God I had died for thee!" 2 Samuel 18:33

I want to sing this. All 15 minutes of it. All 18-parts of it.

{/5:00 PM}

me

Mm-mm!

The defination of indulgence is this:

Wheeee..

{/2:18 PM}

me

on Hope

A lot of people can talk the talk, but can they also walk the walk?

I will not go back for youth service until and unless the issue is resolved. In fact I won't even go for Sunday service, because how can I trust them to teach the Word if they cannot even discern such easy to understand, obvious theology? If they cannot see the truth in this, what of other matters?

I was quite surprised and disappointed when he sent me an sms saying that this is a small matter and it should not stumble me. How can something unbiblical be something small?

If it doesn't resolve soon, I will leave the church and seek another one. I will not attend a church that hinges its entire youth congregation on something as unbiblical as a female pastor.

There were other things that bothered me, things like the prevalent and widespread (mis)use of tongues. And then there's the shepherding system.

That's sort of like the blind leading the blind, isn't it? First, not all of them have sound doctrines. In fact I will go as far to say that most of them don't. I used to accept teachings during shepherding at point-blank, until I found out for myself just how doctrinly unsound some of them are. Second, it still seemed very forced to me. It's like them saying, "You and you, be best friends." and expecting it to be done. I'm still uneasy about this. Third, when I'm really down and out I don't really need someone next to me repeating mindless cliches of "Christian advice", a.k.a. "God has a plan for everyone", "God loves you", "Everything happens for a reason, we just don't know what", "God is a good God", "We must praise God even in times of hardship" and so on a so forth. Get my point? I don't NEED these "advice". They are just empty words. Just leave me alone to cry my heart out in worshipful lament. I will weep because Jesus wept. I will despair because David despaired. I will blame because Job blamed. Then I will worship because God IS good. See, you cannot skip steps and jump straight to worship because that doesn't happen. So leave me be, stop bugging me with pseudo encouragements. If you truly are my friend, then weep with me.

I also find it facinating that a lot of people like to talk about things like "I'm so useless", "I don't deserve it", "I'm so bad but God is so good to me", "I'm worthless", etc. I mean, humility is good, but true humility does not boast of humility. And anyway,

"If God is satisfied with the work, the work may be satisfied with itself." - C.S. Lewis

So there!

Some may think I am making a big deal out of the matter of Shirley being pastor.

It is a big deal.

It reflects your salvation. I put forth that, if you have thoroughly went through the relevant scriptures, and still insist that it is okay for women to be pastors, then you are not in accordance with the will of God and are not saved.

I'm serious.

I know what some of you are going say. You're going to say that salvation is "by faith through grace" and nothing else. So I am saved, because I have faith. Wrong.

Faith without works is dead.

Obeying the word of God is part of your duty and work as well.

If you do not have work, how can you claim to have faith? This is Semitic Totality.

So if you don't have faith, how then are you saved?

Please re-think.

May God grant you the gift of discernment.

{/10:17 AM}

me

Pride

"A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you're looking down, you can't see something that's above you." - C.S. Lewis

Nothing is more annoying than watching your friends struggle with life's greatest questions (What's my purpose? What do I want? What am I living for? Where am I going?) but are too proud to look Up.

O God, I want to help them.

---

Met up with choir people on Saturday. Props goes out to Sher who managed to drag them out while yours truly sat on his lazy butt and said "Hey, let's meet, you go call them up". It's not easy to organize gatherings, with everyone having different schedules and priorities. Dinner wasn't great, and it was too expensive by far, but that notwithstanding I think an enjoyable time was had, and I dare say by all.

Going through major phases in your life makes it difficult to kep up with old friendships, no? Other people just seem to be getting along so well with their "new" lives that you don't really want to go and disturb them, or try to tie them back to the "old times". Indeed, it seems that old times are not meant to be constantly revisited, but merely occasionaly reminisced over coffee or dinner.

Which is why old friends are hard to keep. You got to make extra effort to be interested in their lives, while patiently sharing yours. You got to let go of your pride to actively arrange gatherings and catching-up sessions and movie dates and dinners together. You got to ignore the fear of rejection, or having to re-schedule over and over again, or the few wham-bam-get-out-of-my-life-I'm-moving-on responses.

Which is also why old friends get treasured so much. Not because of the length of the friendship, no matter how long or short, but simply because you have made too much of an effort to bear to see it gone. Damn it, if my efforts shall go to waste!

Nobody wanted to ride the reverse bungee with me. =(

Audrey had been messaging somebody the whole night. A boy, unless I miss my guess =D Reminded me of the time long ago when I was the one on the other end. I thought back a little further and remembered someone else with whom I had crazy conversations with. I wonder where the magic had gone.

---

I do not have to go clubbing to be cool.

I do not have to drink alcohol to be cool.

I do not have to have stories to tell of how I got drunk and went wild to be cool.

I do not have to curse and swear to be cool.

I do not have to jump on the bandwagon to be cool.

I do not have to avoid the popular and be the anti-cliche to be cool.

I do not have to pretend to like something when I don't to be cool.

I do not have to do what everyone does to be cool.

I do not have to live life like them to be cool.

Because, guess what?

God is cool.

---

Sunday is offically family sports day.

Badminton is fun, and I need the exercise. Was looking forward to going East Coast on Saturday, too bad that didn't materialise. Sometimes it doesn't have to be just dinners or movies, you know. Some outdoor activities would be a nice change.

---

So next year the choir will be down to 2 choices. Musica Mundi in Germany, or Riva Del Garda in Italy. Although I don't mind going to Germany again, I would really like the chance to face off with VJ again, and they are going to Riva. A chance of a rematch would be nice. I wonder how many from the alumni will go. I doubt there will be many. I just hope I won't be the only one.

---

Surprisingly, I feel quite good today. Even though it is monday. People must have been praying for me lately. =)

{/12:37 PM}

me

Intelligence

I thought it would be a challenge to work in the Joint Intelligence Directorate for NS.

I am right, for the wrong reason.

The challenge of my everyday job is to deal with the immense amount of stupidity my superiors ooze out.

And I thought having intelligence is a given prerequisite for working in a unit that deals with intelligent work.

For example, I have recently been having a little trouble with a certain supplier for a certain magazine. What happens is the magazine keeps arriving late. In fact, we have not, until now, received the July issue yet. On one hand I have the suppliers telling me that they have indeed air-mailed the magazine multiple times, on the other hand I have my bosses telling me to keep calling and chasing for the magazine. Points to note:

1) Stop pretending. You are not that hardworking to be bothered so much by ONE late magazine. Just look at that pile of magazines on your table that you have NOT cleared. So please, spare me the 'I'm a really hardworking person I want my magazine now' crap.

2) There is absolutely no logic in asking me to call the supplier EVERY DAY to chase for the magazine. It takes 3-5 days for the air-mail to reach us. More importantly, if you call everyday to chase, you are just going to piss people off. Yeah, I'm sure you really enjoyed it when Big Boss keeps chasing you for this article or that report. I bet you weren't really cursing him and his whole family to hell.

3) When I try to give reasons as to why we are still not receiving the magazine, I am not trying to explain things for the supplier. I am merely employing my God-given intelligence to propose a few reasonable factors which may have affected the delivery. Maybe if you worked your brains a little more often you would have thought of them yourself, instead of acting like 5-year-old kids whose mothers refused to give candy to.

4) It is not my fault that the delivery is late. Please do not assume to dump all your frustration on me. See, this is the problem with female bosses. PMS. Oh please, your biological impediment is of no concern to me, and I have no wish to be a victim of it. Hide in your office and rant. Don't come to work. Scream it out on your kids. Do anything, just get it off my face.

5) If you are going to operate on the assumption that your method is always going to be the best method, then don't complain that I do not take enough initiative. I can't seem to show your the error in your logic (no doubt due to your infrequent usage of intelligence), neither can I overstep your rank, so please forgive me as I consult your professional opinion on every matter big and small.

Don't get me wrong, I respect my bosses. Well, most of them, at least. They have fine work attitudes, but they still manage to get on my nerves sometimes. Some of them, of course, see bossing NSFs around, taking 1 hour tea breaks (note the plural) and generally making everybody else's life more miserable than it already is as their primary purpose of existance. Of them, I have absolutely no respect.

See, even PES E NSFs can get shit from their superiors as well!

NS talk just depresses me.

{/9:42 AM}

me

Not bright enough

Hmm...

I think I am not bright enough.

I mean, I'm suppose to be a child of God, right? Salt and Light to the world and all that?

I think I am quite unsympathetic towards others. I don't mind listening to others and their problems, but I'm definately not the "Aunt Agony" type who can pour out tons of advice and comfort. It's probably due to the fact that I'm just the kind of person who doesn't like to bother other people with my own problems. Even if I do rant occasionally, I never expect any sympathy or advice or solutions from anyone. I like to solve my own problems. And because of that I sort of expect others to clean up their own mess as well.

I'm not the sort who likes to sit around and grumble about things going wrong. I'm not the sort who likes to gather with a group of friends and complain about problems [que NSF talk]. I'm not the sort who goes around trying to listen to and solve everyone's problems. It's nice to listen to others; at least they like you enough to tell you their stuff. But that's all, man. Personally I don't expect anything when I am the one pouring out my troubles, so naturally I assumed the same applies for other people, that when they are ranting they just want to be listened to.

Maybe I'm wrong, that's why I seldom have anybody ranting to me. Hah.

I see so so many people around me that need God in their lives. Feli. Wenlin. Honseng. Sher. Aud. My sisters. My aunty. The list goes on. Yet I don't really make much of an effort to reach out to them. Many a times I wonder what's wrong with me. And I worry about the consequences. That I'm not good enough. That I'm not obeying His word to proclaim the Gospel. That I'm not doing enough to shout His name. That I might not be saved after all.

But if my own personal spiritual life is in a big mess, what else can I do for others?

The funny thing is, I know exactly why I am a failure at evangelizing. Too much brains and not enough heart.

The problem with the world is the failure to accept the fact that there is such a thing known as absolute morality. This is especially evident in teenagers and youths. The typical I-can-do-whatever-I-like-with-my-life mentality. This was the path that I took. At one time I couldn't bear living life anymore. I didn't know how to. Everything was a blur, people telling me one thing, education teaching another, my own desires and temptations added into the mix. I realised the need for an absolute point of reference, something that can tell me without a doubt what is right and what is wrong. How can I find such a reference in the world? How can anything produced by men, who are naturally and totally depraved, be trustworthy, without bias, and unerring? God was the answer, and the Word was the reference I was looking for, the source of absolute morality. It is absolute because God is absolute.

That was why when Ashleigh asked me on the night I converted how I felt, I told her I felt peaceful, and it was true. Suddenly there was order in my life which has only known chaos. Something to tell me right from wrong. Something to guide me in the way I should live my life. An anchor, a support, a sort of comfort in the knowledge that I am doing the right thing.

Anti-religious fanatics and skeptics always like to point out how so and so religion forces people to do so and so. For Christianty, popular points of attack include tithing, weekly services, cell groups, evangelising, etc. These people are insecure, finding the need to attack others' practices so that they can in turn take pseudo pride in their so called 'freedom' to do whatever they like with their life, which in actual fact they don't like at all.

Anti-Christianty fanatics like to point out how Christians like to attack other religions and force people to believe in Christ or otherwise be condemn in hell. Then they have the audacity to question our morals and ethics in doing so, at the same time sacarstically referring to what the Bible teaches. This is absolutely and completely laughable. It may apply if we are talking about, say, one's hobbies. Like, I like to play WoW but I shouldn't force other people to play it as well, and call those non-WoW players names and such. That works. But NOT when the topic at hand is God. They don't understand that God is a life and death decision. They think we are just having fun, or that it's just fashionable, hence we are Christians. They think we are just a group of people in a particular trend. I'm sorry, but we are absolutely convicted. So forgive us as we try our best to fulfill the Word in accordance to God's will. And yes, you are still going to hell if you don't believe.

The world needs God and they don't know it.

I need God, too.

I wonder when He'll turn up and make everything right again. Things are so messy and confusing now it's not even funny. Hello, I'm tired of this kind of problems over and over again. Come and do your thing already. Thanks.

AMEN.

{/3:29 PM}

me

It's FRIDAY!

'nuff said.

Who doesn't love friday?

Anyway I'm officially a OMO now: One-Man-Operation.

Damn SAF for asking us to increase productivity while refusing us more manpower.

Seriously, sometimes SAF policies can make even Bush seem smart.

OK kidding, I'm not a Bush-hater.

Singapore Presidential elections coming, and still no confirm candidates other than SR. I feel that Singapore should not be led by an 81-year-old man. Call it age-bias. Like, everyone is trying so hard to make Singapore a more happening place, a more modern and hip place. Yea, an 81-year-old president is just what we need.

Even if the confirm candidature list comes out next week, they will still have only what, 20 days? For campaigning? So boring.

T.T.Durai should run. I know the perfect slogan for him.

T.T. Durai and the chamber with golden taps.

Middle-age man who looks reasonably photogenic? Check!

Represents a minority group in Singapore, in case people accuse us of being racist? Check!

Experience in managing finances? Check!

Hardworking and willing to serve the nation? Check! People worked 18 hours per day ok!

He fits the bill perfectly!

Oh wait. Did I forget something? Hmm..

Moral integrity? Uh oh!

Anyway, who cares who's the president. All we hear is PM Lee and MM Lee. Even SM Goh also seldom make appearences on the media. I'm not old enough to vote anyway.

---

I will like to disagree with this.

Those JC boys with raging hormones are just as girl-hungry as us. =p

Oh come on, it's not like the girls don't enjoy the attention we bestow them with. Any girl who disagrees with this is just sour that none of the boys pay her any attention because she is a) not beautiful enough, or b) a butch, or c) a les, thus don't give a shit about boys.

Disclaimer: By 'beautiful' I refer to both the inner and outer aspects.

Comparatively I think we are not as girl-hungry as the JC boys, simply because we have no bloody time to be. Anybody in combat vocation will tell you that the number one thing on their minds when they get home is sleep. We simply don't have the energy, and believe you me skirt-chasing is a very tiring affair, for me at least. >_<

---

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!! I want to go see those incredibly cute professionaly trained squirrels! Somebody please date me!

---

My sister gets a 2-day-week for her final year in NUS. Go figure.

---

I am resigned to the fact that I will have to wait eight long months after I ORD before entering NUS. I have no idea how I am going to spend those eight months. I don't want to work as some adminstrative clerk after 2 years of that in NS. I can waste all that time by playing WoW 24/7, but I'm sure my parents will have something to say about that. Sigh.

---

I'm not looking forward to the weekend at all.

I won't be going for service tomorrow.

Because I still cannot reconcile with the fact that Shirley is preaching. And calling her 'sister' instead of 'pastor' doesn't change the fact that she is still speaking from a position of authority, in direct contradiction to the Word.

---

I am God-hungry.

{/11:50 AM}

me

Annoying

Nothing is more annoying than losing a long post because blogger.com screwed up.

Thanks!

{/11:17 AM}

me

On NDP, NJCO, personality, relationships and the likes

Interesting.

Gimme a moment to gather my confusing thoughts please.

I missed Saturday's NDP Preview. My little cousin got to go in my place instead. My mom and sisters conveniently assumed that I would not want to go, so they didn't even deemed to ask me. He's not really my cousin - my dad's mom's brother's grandson. Yea. Don't know what's the proper term for that. Anyway I heard the show wasn't too fantastic.

CO concert was alright. Nice to see my sister on stage, no matter how often we may argue at home. The solo instrumentalists were the saving grace of the show, especially the Yang Qin guy. I think he played the chromatic scale on the Yang Qin faster than I can play it on the keyboard. The choir girls were ignorable. I mean, they didn't have any large impact on the performances. Soloists were weak. The alto part can be excused, since at that range it is quite difficult to project properly, but the sops? Gah. OK I'm bashing the choir again, as if I don't have a bad enough reputation already.

If you notice the "comments" link is gone. Yea, I couldn't be bothered enough to add in the blogger tags, since it didn't come together with the template. Nobody bothered with it anyway. It's nice to have a blog where I'm the only person writing in it. It's funny though. I made do without the tagboard [and now the comments link] because I didn't want to depend on other people to affirm me, or let myself be affected by who reads and who bothers to comments and such stuff. But still I yearn to have some sort of assurance, that I am not as lonely as I see myself as being.

http://www.typelogic.com/intj.html

Somewhat accurate, I think. Introspection is not my strong point.

"When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know."

This is true. I know exactly what I do or do not know. I know beforehand whether or not I can win in an intellectual debate.

"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations. "

This, unfortunately, is mostly true as well.

"This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense."

Ahem. My idea of a perfect date is a horror movie, followed by ice-cream for dessert [or coffee =D], followed by me sending the girl home, preferably on foot. Go figure.

The "make sense" part is real. I can't stand people who cannot engage in intelligent conversations. Sorry >_<

http://keirsey.com/personality/ntij.html

This is the best part:

"Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead."

Ha. Ha. Ha. We all know which names and faces are popping into my head at this point of time.

I have been dreaming a lot more lately.

As in, not those normal, pointless, general dreams. I mean, a lot more personal dreams. Dreams of events and people. Persons. Person. I thought people usually dream of past events, but I actually dreamt about a future one, about the choir going overseas next year. Which I am really looking forward to, regardless of how the current year ones feel. I have decided that I'm not going to care about how they feel. Bwahaha..

I tell people I didn't really enjoy the Bremen trip because I was in the music comm and was far too worried about our [bad] singing to enjoy. That's only half true. There is a more personal, irrational, and, on hindsight, stupid reason. The reason is, of course, that person. You know who, but let me just be discreet. That person caught so much of my attention that I neglected everyone else around me, and probably led me to piss half the population to the other end of the spectrum of "how much I like CK", the end nearest to ZERO. That person was [note: was, as in, past tense] simultaneously the source of my joy, anger, admiration, frustration, desperation, agony, hope, and general state of being.

Because I was so intently and irrationaly focused on that person, I shyed away from interacting with other people around me. It saddens me that I only got to know such people as Perl Han, Alan, Feli, etc AFTER coming back from the trip. Quite saddening.

Anyway I have much better control of those feelings and emotions know, thank God.

Speaking of whom, HE must have taken a vacation from my life again. I cry for your attention, of God! Remember me! Shine on me so I may reflect your Light to others!

University life started for a whole bunch of friends.

I haven't heard much from my classmates at all. I guess it's too late to try to make friends again.

I can't say I'm not jealous of those people starting their university life, because I am, although I should not be. But I'm scared of it too. Scared of what I might become. It's scary to see people talking about going clubbing and drinking alcohol as some sort of achievment or coming-of-age. It's even scarier to see people claiming to have a boyfriend within the first week of school. Scary.

Not saying I wouldn't like to have a girlfriend, of course. Love and all that. I have been repeatedly agonized thinking about all the "fun" that I am missing out, and each time I am comforted by the greater pleasures promised to me. Well, sometimes I stray, but I made it back. You see, it's not denying the temptations and feelings and desires that grows us. It's admitting them, then choosing the overcome and rest in the comfort of the Lord's promise to me. Help me stay convicted in this area, O God!

I urge all those who are still schooling to seriously consider if you are in an intimate relationship with the opposite gender right now. No matter if you are Christian or not, my stand remains the same.

Some common arguments from them:
1) It's fun, and you're missing out.
2) It doesn't hurt anybody.
3) If you never try, how would you know if he/she is the one?
4) It's for gaining experience.
5) I really love him/her.
6) It's my life, I do what I like and nobody can say anything about it because I can choose to live the way I want to.
7) Everyone's doing it.

And so on and so forth.

I shall stop myself before I start to preach.

I've realised why I'm such a bad conversationalist. It's because I do not care enough. With some people, I have plenty to talk about, because I actually prepare the conversation. Yup. That's right. All you conversation gurus out there can stop shaking your heads and murmuring disapprovals. Yes, sad people like me have to prepare conversations, think about things to talk about, questions to ask, and so on. It's because I cannot be bothered to do the preparation for everybody. I only do it to some, which is why I talk to them fine. I think I should start to make more effort in this.

Which reminds me of a story.

This was preached on one of the Sunday Services I went to, by a guest pastor.

It goes something like this:

There's this group of good friends that grew up together since junior school. Among them, there is a devout Christian, called John, and a strict atheist, Thomas. John makes use of every opportunity to preach to his group of friends; during their gatherings he would repeatedly try to spread the Gospel and tell them about Jesus and salvation. Thomas also make use of every opportunity to spread his atheistic views, and he and John would often get into quite heated arguments.

One day, in another one of their gatherings, John and Thomas was engaged in another one of their arguments.

"So you really want to see me saved by your Jesus, do you?" Thomas challenged John.

"Of course," John replies. "I sincerly wish to see each and every one of you be saved by the Gospel, especially you, Thomas."

"So, being a Good Christian and all, what should you be doing for my salvation?" Thomas asked

"I tell you the Gospel, the message of Christ." John answered.

"Shouldn't you, in trying to save me in the name of Christ, also pray for me?" Thomas continued.

"Yes, I do pray for you, of course." John replied confidently.

"So tell me, John. Do you pray for my salvation for 5 hours every day?"

"Five hours!? Er...not really.."

"NO? Ok, how about just 2 hours every day?"

"Well..."

"Ok Ok, how about just 1 hour every day? Surely that is not too much to ask for!"

"Oh? Er, not exactly.."

"Ok John. How about 10 minutes? Do you spend 10 minutes every day praying for my salvation?"

John stutters and avoids meeting Thomas' accusing eyes.

"No? How about 5 minutes every day? 3 minutes? 1? Just how often do you pray for me, John? Does my salvation really mean so little to you, that you cannot even spare 5 minutes everyday praying for me?"

---

Personally, the story spoke to me volumes.

I want to pray more. I don't want to just wear my friends' salvation on my lips, I want it to touch my heart.

O God, help me!

{/10:49 AM}

me