Monday, August 08, 2005
Not bright enough
Hmm...
I think I am not bright enough.
I mean, I'm suppose to be a child of God, right? Salt and Light to the world and all that?
I think I am quite unsympathetic towards others. I don't mind listening to others and their problems, but I'm definately not the "Aunt Agony" type who can pour out tons of advice and comfort. It's probably due to the fact that I'm just the kind of person who doesn't like to bother other people with my own problems. Even if I do rant occasionally, I never expect any sympathy or advice or solutions from anyone. I like to solve my own problems. And because of that I sort of expect others to clean up their own mess as well.
I'm not the sort who likes to sit around and grumble about things going wrong. I'm not the sort who likes to gather with a group of friends and complain about problems [que NSF talk]. I'm not the sort who goes around trying to listen to and solve everyone's problems. It's nice to listen to others; at least they like you enough to tell you their stuff. But that's all, man. Personally I don't expect anything when I am the one pouring out my troubles, so naturally I assumed the same applies for other people, that when they are ranting they just want to be listened to.
Maybe I'm wrong, that's why I seldom have anybody ranting to me. Hah.
I see so so many people around me that need God in their lives. Feli. Wenlin. Honseng. Sher. Aud. My sisters. My aunty. The list goes on. Yet I don't really make much of an effort to reach out to them. Many a times I wonder what's wrong with me. And I worry about the consequences. That I'm not good enough. That I'm not obeying His word to proclaim the Gospel. That I'm not doing enough to shout His name. That I might not be saved after all.
But if my own personal spiritual life is in a big mess, what else can I do for others?
The funny thing is, I know exactly why I am a failure at evangelizing. Too much brains and not enough heart.
The problem with the world is the failure to accept the fact that there is such a thing known as absolute morality. This is especially evident in teenagers and youths. The typical I-can-do-whatever-I-like-with-my-life mentality. This was the path that I took. At one time I couldn't bear living life anymore. I didn't know how to. Everything was a blur, people telling me one thing, education teaching another, my own desires and temptations added into the mix. I realised the need for an absolute point of reference, something that can tell me without a doubt what is right and what is wrong. How can I find such a reference in the world? How can anything produced by men, who are naturally and totally depraved, be trustworthy, without bias, and unerring? God was the answer, and the Word was the reference I was looking for, the source of absolute morality. It is absolute because God is absolute.
That was why when Ashleigh asked me on the night I converted how I felt, I told her I felt peaceful, and it was true. Suddenly there was order in my life which has only known chaos. Something to tell me right from wrong. Something to guide me in the way I should live my life. An anchor, a support, a sort of comfort in the knowledge that I am doing the right thing.
Anti-religious fanatics and skeptics always like to point out how so and so religion forces people to do so and so. For Christianty, popular points of attack include tithing, weekly services, cell groups, evangelising, etc. These people are insecure, finding the need to attack others' practices so that they can in turn take pseudo pride in their so called 'freedom' to do whatever they like with their life, which in actual fact they don't like at all.
Anti-Christianty fanatics like to point out how Christians like to attack other religions and force people to believe in Christ or otherwise be condemn in hell. Then they have the audacity to question our morals and ethics in doing so, at the same time sacarstically referring to what the Bible teaches. This is absolutely and completely laughable. It may apply if we are talking about, say, one's hobbies. Like, I like to play WoW but I shouldn't force other people to play it as well, and call those non-WoW players names and such. That works. But NOT when the topic at hand is God. They don't understand that God is a life and death decision. They think we are just having fun, or that it's just fashionable, hence we are Christians. They think we are just a group of people in a particular trend. I'm sorry, but we are absolutely convicted. So forgive us as we try our best to fulfill the Word in accordance to God's will. And yes, you are still going to hell if you don't believe.
The world needs God and they don't know it.
I need God, too.
I wonder when He'll turn up and make everything right again. Things are so messy and confusing now it's not even funny. Hello, I'm tired of this kind of problems over and over again. Come and do your thing already. Thanks.
AMEN.
{/3:29 PM}
me