How can I blog when the only thing I care about, I can't write about?

{/12:28 AM}

me

Happy Chinese New Year everyone!

I didn't exactly had a normal CNY this year. Last few years, it was pretty much the same, visiting the same people and doing the same stuff.

This year was a little different though. I can't really elaborate, but it wasn't quite as normal as previous years. For one, I think I spent the least amount of time this year with my family during the season. For another, I actually won gambling! Not that I played a lot this year. Hah.

Even though events that happened these past few days were because of someone else, I think I learnt a lot about myself in the process too. Discovered a few things in me that I didn't know was there.

My sis is back from the States for another few more days to go. It wasn't really a dramatic reunion, mainly because of the very frequent calls and MSN chats, so we didn't really miss her all that much. She'll be flying back again this Sunday. Pretty short holiday, but I guess it was worth it for her, especially seeing the relatives again (not all of them, I'm sure. HAH).

I missed the Alumni meeting. Can't say I really tried very hard to turn up though. I won't be too surprised or too upset if our Cantabile item doesn't fall through this year. Somehow I feel more exhausted and less enthusiastic about the whole thing than last year. Probably because I don't like those juniors all that much, and they are probably going to become the bulk of the singers.

I almost lost it with the Chinese High boys today, but some of them really had it coming. You would think the small secondary one boys would be naughty and stuff, but surprisingly it was the secondary threes and fours that were rowdy and hard to control. I wasn't in a particularly good mood to begin with, and they just had to piss me off.

Went back to the gym today after ending the session with the Chinese High boys on an impulsive, spur-of-the-moment feeling. I guess I was guided by my sub-conscious. Surprisingly my coach still remembered me! Even my name! Even more surprisingly, a couple of juniors recognised me and ALSO remembered my name. I feel guilty not remembering them. >_<

It was quite therapeutic to be jumping on the trampoline again. After so long I surprised myself that I could still do the moves, although it was really unstable and ugly and I was quite scared jumping. But it really helped cleared my mind, jumping up and down, takes my mind off things for awhile. Felt better after that..

Watched Epic Movie and Norbit since I last blogged. Sure, they were both lame movies, but it was nice too, because sometimes even dumb, brainless, and somewhat funny movies are enjoyable, but really it was mainly because the company was enjoyable. HAH!

I predict my ang bao money will be all gone by the end of the month.

{/11:59 PM}

me

Haven't posted in a while, I know.

I wonder who still comes here in spite of that... If you happen to read this please drop me a line.

This post isn't spontaneously inspired by some significant event or happening, so if that's what you're expecting, let me disappoint you in advanced.

That said, I think I need to get back into the habit of writing, of putting my thoughts onto paper, even a virtual one. Graduating from army and not having a job tends to have the effect of lulling one's mind (in a negative sense), which I think is seriously detrimental to my ability to cope with schoolwork once again, when my NUS term starts.

Not exactly not working, of course. I more or less spend most of my time in choir these days. Originally I was roped in to help with NJ, but soon it became apparent that they don't need much of it at all, so I was just there as a half-consultant, half-critique, full-supporter.

Apart from visiting NJ choir rather regularly, I am also coaching (if that's the right word for what I do) the Chinese High boys and the Anderson Secondary kids. Basically, I do with them whatever Mr Yong and Ai Hooi tells me to do. En Ting (that's Hanyu Pinyin; I can't remember how to spell his English name) is helping with Chinese High as well, as Cherie is helping with Anderson too.

Well the Chinese High boys frustrate me sometimes, mostly because I am largely used to a rather higher standard of choral singing. This is not in anyway belittling them, of course; in fact I think they are having a commendable beginning as a newbie choir. Large credit goes to Mr Yong, who is a superb choral director. But I am not used to TBB singing, and granted they are not fantastic, and them being boys tend to be slightly on the naughty side. Supposedly Mr Yong is paying me, but that hasn't happened yet, and I don't really feel inclined to "chase" him for it.

Anderson is much more enjoyable, although I spent less time with them than I have with Chinese High. Several factors: they're SATB, which I'm used to. They're of a higher standard, which makes things a lot easier (teaching wise) and also, more enjoyable. And, they are more behaved. Perhaps the presence of girls have a instilled a positive, I-must-not-be-too-rowdy-in-front-of-girls mentality on the guys.

As all well know I am not a very people person. I still can't remember most of the names of the Chinese High boys, although I think I can recognise their faces okay, in large due to the fact that they are an extremely small choir. Anderson is another matter altogether. I can recognise maybe a quarter of their faces, mostly the guys. Names-wise, forget it.

I do hope I can get to know the people in the 2 choirs better though. Having spent some time with them, and foreseeing more (probably up to the SYF period), I think one would wish to take away at least something other than "I once coached them in choral singing".

In the midst of all that I turned 21. I'm glad my friends turned up for my little dinner party; I almost decided not to invite them. Already I missed the 21st birthday 3 03S20 classmates, and 1 other classmate from my, believe it or not, primary school class. Zhiwei's I missed because, well, he didn't invite me to any party. The other 2 I missed because they spread the news using my old hotmail account, which I seldom check (in favour of Gmail), so when I got the news it was too late. And I didn't turn up for my primary classmate's because, well, frankly I don't really see the point of going. I mean, honestly, after not being in contact for so long, I'm suppose to turn up and what, pretend that we're friends? I hardly know them!

Well I hope to be there for at least the rest of my 03S20's parties. At least I know them better. But then again, I practically have had no contact with them since graduation. Oh, there were the occasional MSN chats, and that one class gathering that I knew of. There were times, of course, that I had considered making more of an effort to keep in contact, like when I see Evan or Serene online, or thought of calling Zhiwei out and just catch up. I don't know Tingshu's situation, but I guess it's easier for the girls to stay together, and Zhiwei with them because of Jin.

My spiritual life isn't doing too well at the moment, to be honest. It doesn't help that most, in fact all of my close friends are not Christians, so no help there. And, of course, I am no longer in Hope. It's amazing how those so-called "friends" disappear so quickly. When I was still in Hope they were friendly and warm and enthusiastic and all buddy-buddy. The moment I disagreed with them? Wham bam, thank you sir, hope not to see you again.

I'm pretty much saddened everytime I think of them. No, not because I have lost some people whom I might have become good friends with had I stayed, but because I'm pretty much certain that they've got almost everything wrong about their Faith. I do not say that with condecendingness or pride, but with the conviction of truth on my side. Go ahead, pick your favourite Charismatic-Evangelical teaching, and watch me rip it to shreds. None of them have the guts, nor, I suspect, the knowledge. That's what feel-good theology does to you, ladies and gentlemen.

Man, thinking about them gets my nerves up. It's not that they practice bad theology that bothers me; I think other than the very basics, nothing much else is of any import, at least soteriologically speaking. It's the lethal combination of being Charismatic AND Evangelical that's the problem.

I don't have a problem with Calvinists. I think they are wrong, but at least they don't spread like wildfire.

The problem with Charismatic-Evangelicals, is that they give us Christians (Catholically speaking) a very bad name.

Here's a quickie list off the top of my head:

1) Jesus-is-my-friend. This can't be further away from the truth.

2) Let's ignore 2000 years of Church history! Right.

3) Feel-good sermons. Urgh.

4) Bad exegesis. You see it everywhere, most prominently from the Pastors during sermon, and also sometimes from the "leaders" that think they know enough to do a Bible study with their caregroup after reading "A Purpose Driven Life".

5) Speaking in tongues. Self-explanatory. (That is, speaking in tongues as it is applied in such Charismatic-Evangelical churches.)

6) Low Christology. See (1).

7) A generally post-modernistic outlook towards theology, that is, an unusually large credit given to personal interpretation. When you try to raise theologically issues with them, or question their held beliefs, more often than not you'll get thrown "It's okay, it's okay, just love God."

8) The belief that God is their own personal PDA. I cringe everytime someone says or blogs "I prayed and my bus came! Amen!", or "I prayed and it didn't rain today, Amen!", or "I passed my test! Amen!". =_=

9) The large emphasis given to evangelism. I guess you don't call them Evangelicals for nothing.

10) Mega-church mentality. Numbers, numbers, numbers. Convert as many as you can, don't bother about teaching them the correct things!

And that's just off the top of my head.

I can't recount how many times while having a Christianity related conversation with a non-believer that I had to actually DEFEND such rubbish as speaking in tongues the way they do. ARGH.

I'm starting to lean towards the Eastern Orthodox thinking. It's kinda hard, as there is no one to throw ideas around with. Exploring on one's own is tough.

I guess I should sleep now.

Oh, happy Valentine's day.

{/12:45 AM}

me