Sunday, August 28, 2005
bad and other things
Bad things first.
They are really pathetic.
First they shrug off the problem as if it's of no importance.
Then once they realise that I'm really serious, they start their futile attempts to "convince" me.
I'm sorry, I'm not some ignorant, stupid and naive idiot who will just listen as you spew crap and believe. I know my stuff. And from talking to you, it's very apparent that you don't know your stuff.
So I offer to let them have some time to study the subject before coming back to me. And how do they respond? With more fluff.
Oh come on, who are you trying to kid? I'm not some 12 year old. You can't just write me off with some generic responses passed down from people higher up in the system. I'm not that dumb. Oh, and drop that condecending attitude while you are at it, will you?
They can't just take this like the debate that it is. They have to come in with the "you are having wrong conceptions here let big daddy help you with your problems" shit.
With this kind of crap coming from supposed leaders, God help them all.
It is true, I think. Charismatic churches and new age movements really do give christianity a bad name. Full of "feel-good" preaching and nothing else. Bah.
I'm done.
Now for the good things.
Well, maybe not good. Just, other things.
I need to exercise more, build up my stamina again. I was half dead after only an hour of badminton today. Sigh. Should go running again.
I had a mini self-realization. Haha.
My approach to relationships is very weird, to say the least. At least I think it is.
I think a perfect relationship, be it between family or friends or lovers or anybody, is one where the parties involve all get what they expect out of it.
My way of doing things, is first I "test waters", see if he/she respond to me, see if they send any signals to say that they are interested. If I feel really comfortable and I think that they are responding well to me, then I jump right in and devote myself. If not, I'll just withdraw and hide. I think that explains why I have some good friends, and some people whom I know that I just don't care about or bother to communicate with or keep things alive with. Once in a while I go back and see if their responses changes, but most of the time they don't. So I couldn't be bothered either.
This time around, I am determined not to make the same mistake as before.
What mistake?
The same mistake that I made before, first with E, then with AM, and then again with AC. All three. Same mistake, although different circumstances and different feelings. The mistake of expecting too much. Oh, what a mistake.
It's funny, how each of them gave me a different feeling, which is also different from what F is giving me now.
I won't make the same mistake again for the fourth time.
I cannot afford to.
I hope things will turn out fine.
{/11:38 PM}
me