Monday, August 01, 2005
On NDP, NJCO, personality, relationships and the likes
Interesting.
Gimme a moment to gather my confusing thoughts please.
I missed Saturday's NDP Preview. My little cousin got to go in my place instead. My mom and sisters conveniently assumed that I would not want to go, so they didn't even deemed to ask me. He's not really my cousin - my dad's mom's brother's grandson. Yea. Don't know what's the proper term for that. Anyway I heard the show wasn't too fantastic.
CO concert was alright. Nice to see my sister on stage, no matter how often we may argue at home. The solo instrumentalists were the saving grace of the show, especially the Yang Qin guy. I think he played the chromatic scale on the Yang Qin faster than I can play it on the keyboard. The choir girls were ignorable. I mean, they didn't have any large impact on the performances. Soloists were weak. The alto part can be excused, since at that range it is quite difficult to project properly, but the sops? Gah. OK I'm bashing the choir again, as if I don't have a bad enough reputation already.
If you notice the "comments" link is gone. Yea, I couldn't be bothered enough to add in the blogger tags, since it didn't come together with the template. Nobody bothered with it anyway. It's nice to have a blog where I'm the only person writing in it. It's funny though. I made do without the tagboard [and now the comments link] because I didn't want to depend on other people to affirm me, or let myself be affected by who reads and who bothers to comments and such stuff. But still I yearn to have some sort of assurance, that I am not as lonely as I see myself as being.
http://www.typelogic.com/intj.html
Somewhat accurate, I think. Introspection is not my strong point.
"When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know."
This is true. I know exactly what I do or do not know. I know beforehand whether or not I can win in an intellectual debate.
"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations. "
This, unfortunately, is mostly true as well.
"This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense."
Ahem. My idea of a perfect date is a horror movie, followed by ice-cream for dessert [or coffee =D], followed by me sending the girl home, preferably on foot. Go figure.
The "make sense" part is real. I can't stand people who cannot engage in intelligent conversations. Sorry >_<
http://keirsey.com/personality/ntij.html
This is the best part:
"Masterminds are not at all eager to take command of projects or groups, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead."
Ha. Ha. Ha. We all know which names and faces are popping into my head at this point of time.
I have been dreaming a lot more lately.
As in, not those normal, pointless, general dreams. I mean, a lot more personal dreams. Dreams of events and people. Persons. Person. I thought people usually dream of past events, but I actually dreamt about a future one, about the choir going overseas next year. Which I am really looking forward to, regardless of how the current year ones feel. I have decided that I'm not going to care about how they feel. Bwahaha..
I tell people I didn't really enjoy the Bremen trip because I was in the music comm and was far too worried about our [bad] singing to enjoy. That's only half true. There is a more personal, irrational, and, on hindsight, stupid reason. The reason is, of course, that person. You know who, but let me just be discreet. That person caught so much of my attention that I neglected everyone else around me, and probably led me to piss half the population to the other end of the spectrum of "how much I like CK", the end nearest to ZERO. That person was [note: was, as in, past tense] simultaneously the source of my joy, anger, admiration, frustration, desperation, agony, hope, and general state of being.
Because I was so intently and irrationaly focused on that person, I shyed away from interacting with other people around me. It saddens me that I only got to know such people as Perl Han, Alan, Feli, etc AFTER coming back from the trip. Quite saddening.
Anyway I have much better control of those feelings and emotions know, thank God.
Speaking of whom, HE must have taken a vacation from my life again. I cry for your attention, of God! Remember me! Shine on me so I may reflect your Light to others!
University life started for a whole bunch of friends.
I haven't heard much from my classmates at all. I guess it's too late to try to make friends again.
I can't say I'm not jealous of those people starting their university life, because I am, although I should not be. But I'm scared of it too. Scared of what I might become. It's scary to see people talking about going clubbing and drinking alcohol as some sort of achievment or coming-of-age. It's even scarier to see people claiming to have a boyfriend within the first week of school. Scary.
Not saying I wouldn't like to have a girlfriend, of course. Love and all that. I have been repeatedly agonized thinking about all the "fun" that I am missing out, and each time I am comforted by the greater pleasures promised to me. Well, sometimes I stray, but I made it back. You see, it's not denying the temptations and feelings and desires that grows us. It's admitting them, then choosing the overcome and rest in the comfort of the Lord's promise to me. Help me stay convicted in this area, O God!
I urge all those who are still schooling to seriously consider if you are in an intimate relationship with the opposite gender right now. No matter if you are Christian or not, my stand remains the same.
Some common arguments from them:
1) It's fun, and you're missing out.
2) It doesn't hurt anybody.
3) If you never try, how would you know if he/she is the one?
4) It's for gaining experience.
5) I really love him/her.
6) It's my life, I do what I like and nobody can say anything about it because I can choose to live the way I want to.
7) Everyone's doing it.
And so on and so forth.
I shall stop myself before I start to preach.
I've realised why I'm such a bad conversationalist. It's because I do not care enough. With some people, I have plenty to talk about, because I actually prepare the conversation. Yup. That's right. All you conversation gurus out there can stop shaking your heads and murmuring disapprovals. Yes, sad people like me have to prepare conversations, think about things to talk about, questions to ask, and so on. It's because I cannot be bothered to do the preparation for everybody. I only do it to some, which is why I talk to them fine. I think I should start to make more effort in this.
Which reminds me of a story.
This was preached on one of the Sunday Services I went to, by a guest pastor.
It goes something like this:
There's this group of good friends that grew up together since junior school. Among them, there is a devout Christian, called John, and a strict atheist, Thomas. John makes use of every opportunity to preach to his group of friends; during their gatherings he would repeatedly try to spread the Gospel and tell them about Jesus and salvation. Thomas also make use of every opportunity to spread his atheistic views, and he and John would often get into quite heated arguments.
One day, in another one of their gatherings, John and Thomas was engaged in another one of their arguments.
"So you really want to see me saved by your Jesus, do you?" Thomas challenged John.
"Of course," John replies. "I sincerly wish to see each and every one of you be saved by the Gospel, especially you, Thomas."
"So, being a Good Christian and all, what should you be doing for my salvation?" Thomas asked
"I tell you the Gospel, the message of Christ." John answered.
"Shouldn't you, in trying to save me in the name of Christ, also pray for me?" Thomas continued.
"Yes, I do pray for you, of course." John replied confidently.
"So tell me, John. Do you pray for my salvation for 5 hours every day?"
"Five hours!? Er...not really.."
"NO? Ok, how about just 2 hours every day?"
"Well..."
"Ok Ok, how about just 1 hour every day? Surely that is not too much to ask for!"
"Oh? Er, not exactly.."
"Ok John. How about 10 minutes? Do you spend 10 minutes every day praying for my salvation?"
John stutters and avoids meeting Thomas' accusing eyes.
"No? How about 5 minutes every day? 3 minutes? 1? Just how often do you pray for me, John? Does my salvation really mean so little to you, that you cannot even spare 5 minutes everyday praying for me?"
---
Personally, the story spoke to me volumes.
I want to pray more. I don't want to just wear my friends' salvation on my lips, I want it to touch my heart.
O God, help me!
{/10:49 AM}
me