Monday, June 19, 2006
LOST
I'm in kind of a down period right now. Feeling just slightly more depressed than usual. Kinda like directionless (purpose-less?), don't really know what I'm doing / going to do.
A few weeks back on the chinese talk show on Ch U was a discussion about blogging in general. I think many bloggers, especially those "famous" ones, are rather delusional. They keep harping on how they are "blogging for themselves", just "writing what they feel", or how they "don't care what others think about their blogging", basically trying to present a what-you-see-is-what-you-get idea of themselves online and offline.
Admit it. We don't blog because we want to pen down our thoughts. If we wanted to do that it would not be on a public cyberspace. We blog for the audience. If there's nobody reading, why should I bother to blog?
Here's a fair disclaimer, although I'm quite sure it is not needed. Guys, what you read here is not the real me. Shocking, I know. Certain things are exaggerated, certain things played down, and certain things just plained unnoted. I try to be eloquent, to be funny, to be insightful, to provoke discussion, but you don't see me trying that damn hard in real life, do you?
I'm not saying nothing I write here is true. I've always thought blogging to be a convenient way to let people know me better. But it's all surface-stuff here; I can't possibly tell you about the new crush I have here, right? But it's a good start, so keep reading. =)
One thing I hate about the general invention / discovery of blogging, is that sometimes I would ask somebody "How's your day?", or "How was the insert-event-here?", or something of that sort, and I would get a "Go read my blog" reply. That, ladies and gentlemen, is why people accuse blogging of being responsible for the devolving of human interaction dynamics. While I'm sure I could read your blog perfectly well, it would have been nice to hear a personal response to a personal question. Such people I don't bother myself with much anymore; if they think reading their blog is enough "interaction", I certainly am in no place to disagree.
Tired as it sounds, post-Italy and post-Cantab depression still affects me. I guess choir is pretty much a huge part of my life. Have not heard from Timo for a long time. I am hoping to get the carolling stuff settled before he goes off to NUS, since he'll definately be very busy then.
I feel kinda separated from my friends. As in, I don't really know what's going on in their lives. Hmm. You know what? Talking to people scares me. I'm terribly afraid of not having anything to say. I fear I am a boring friend.
I have not been very active socially this past week. I was intending to visit Hope and see Jiehui and the rest on Saturday, but I didn't manage to wake up on time. Maybe this weekend. Just to take a look and see old friends.
My hiatus from church irritates me. Sometimes I feel like just giving up and conform. Everywhere I turn is Charismatic churches. Everywhere I go I see abuse of tongues. Every service I attend I see an over-emphasis on emotional appeals and feel-goodness. Every other Christian I meet is more interested in promoting simple-believism (a.k.a "Just Believe!!") or "Jesus-is-my-buddy" mentality than, for example, knowing proper exergesis methods.
Am I wrong? Is my path deviating from the Way? I highly doubt it, but still the small chance of it irks me. I was rather surprised to know how much Timo didn't know about Christianity after talking to him on a few occasions. How many are aware of the many different eschatological views (preterist, post-/pre-/amillenial, dispentionalism, futurism, historism, etc.)? How many are aware of the many different views on the mode of atonement (penal substitution, covenental, moral-influence)? How many "Jesus is God" proof-texts do you know? Calvin vs Arminius? Roman Catholic doctrines vs Eastern Orthodox doctrines vs Protestant doctrines? Christianity vs Latter-day Saints/Jehovah's Witnesses/Seventh-Day Aventists/Oneness Pentacoastals? Church history?
I'm not saying I know them all. What I am saying is that everyone should desire to know them. Or at least a basic defense of the Faith.
It's Monday and I'm feeling extra depressed. And I forgot to bring my Winnie-the-Pooh biscuits to work. Damn.
{/2:48 PM}
me