Sunday, April 15, 2007
I guess I should stop feeling sorry for myself.
I hate self-pitying people anyway, so I shall not commit that error myself.
I mean, shit happens, right. I'm sure every single day there are countless other guys out there being rejected. I just happen to be one of them. No big deal.
And isn't love supposed to be selfless? Isn't it suppose to be about her best interest? Isn't it about giving despite not receiving?
It's hard, no doubt. I didn't know I could feel like this. It's hard because she sees me as nothing more than a friend. It's hard because I have to stand by and watch her suffer being bullied and there's nothing I can do.
I guess I invested my feelings too early, too much. I thought she felt something for me. I thought there was a chance, so I took it. Guess not.
What's worse is since she has pretty much been the only one I've been talking to all these while, now that things are this way between us I have no one else to turn to. I'm troubled, sad, miserable, confused and conflicted, and I have nobody to tell.
Ah crap.
Well, it was fun teaching Anderson Secondary and TCHS, I suppose. Anderson more than TCHS. Haha. The difference is numbers. With Anderson every week I go I get to see the Tenors and Basses of a choir that is of considerable size, and then I get to do combine with everyone too, so it feels like I'm actually fulfilling an instructor's role instead of merely being a glorified SL. But with TCHS, I see somewhere around 10 Tenors every week, occasionally see some Baritones, and never the basses at all.
Also, not to mention, the TCHS boys are... Difficult. In terms of caliber, but in terms of attitude as well. Every time I try to teach some singing technique, or some principle or another, without fail there will be 2 or 3 boys rolling their eyes, going "Yeah, right...". I mean, duh?
Well SYF's starting next week so I guess that's the end of my "career". I'll most likely be watching all the secondary school competing seeing as Miss Lim has gotten me an instructor's pass. I'll probably die of boredom listening to "Everyone Sang" so many times. But I'll probably have fun too giving grades and seeing how accurate I am.
Hopefully I'll get a pass for the JC competition too. I mean, that's where all the real action is, anyway. NJ has a good chance of honours this year, I think. Hopefully they won't disappoint.
What I am dreading is the alumni and Cantab. I don't really work well with them, and we don't really see eye to eye on many things. The way things are going is just not what I have in mind. The only reason I'm still sticking around is because I'm hoping to go overseas again next year, provided Miss Lim and the teachers manage to find a festival that is between the May-July period. I just want to sing in a proper choir again. And win. Haha.
Well the outgoing year 2s are a rather nice bunch...mostly. So hopefully they will join the alumni and tag along next year for the competition too. I guess it's too much to hope for people like Honseng, CY, Sher, etc.. to go.
Now I shall go play Starcraft. Bye.
{/1:10 AM}
me